Dear heart, why him?

I saw a meme with this tag on it and it really got me wondering. Why, us, as women always opt for the same guys who hurt us over and over again? Why do we agree to being of such low standards; accepting the pain, torture and torment? Just, why do we allow men to tramp over us and refuse to wake up to our worth? I am not pointing fingers at anyone, because I do remember when I was a prisoner of the pain and blamed myself for everything that went wrong. Then I realized, God knows what the desires of my heart are, but so does satan…

I know you wish you’d ignore him as he does you, or at least hate him. But love, love doesn’t give us the luxury to choose. When people start calling you ‘paranoid’ and you start believing so. When he hits you and you cry out for love. When he likes another and you buy a different make up kit and hit the gym. You think about him all day, yet he doesn’t even spare a second for you. Sometimes the pain makes us believe it was meant for us. That we should be broken to be made whole. And yet, you can’t unlove them. Our hearts will never forget the pain or at least the embarrassment of it. Yes, it all started as a crush and in the end it did crush you. For anyone going through this pain, the writing’s on the wall. Have some dignity to carry on.

So why exactly do we keep running to the same guys who hurt us? I have tried to understand the concept of hurt in relation to love. Caroline Mutoko once said, while giving a speech on dual income, that we are not our mothers. Yes, they might have accepted domestic violence amongst other strenuous things but we are a different generation! We are the queen nation! And, queens cannot lead under oppression. I am actually begging for anyone out there undergoing any form of torture; physical, spiritual or emotional, from their so called mates to call it quits and start understanding their worth.

I love women, because I fully fathom the pains and joys of being one. Whatever the society has conformed us to be is not really who we have to be. It pains my heart, so much to see young girls accept to be hurt. They say if you cannot run, walk, crawl or whatever it is but just keep on moving. I did let myself get abused emotionally and psychologically for some months and I prayed and hoped for a better day but darlings if a man isn’t in diapers, you cannot change him. Wake up my queens! There are so many men out there ready to love you for just who you are. Men who appreciate your worth and crown you for your very essence. They might not kiss your feet, but will definitely kiss your soul.

This is straight from my heart; do not let a man annoy you to the very mantle of your being hating him. Have some respect for yourself and at least for those who are watching us. We are not just females, we are a force to reckon. And we deserve RESPECT! So Dear heart, love me not him. 

Dear man, you will marry me.

I am sick of scary tales, wounded manes and hurting pains. I have had enough of dating with no wedding bells. I am done waiting to be next in line and fighting for bouquets when you can hand me the ring. I am sick of waiting every night and hoping every morning. Sweetheart, you will marry me. After six months of chasing me, five years of bedding me and about two of cheating on me; I stayed waiting, praying for that damned piece of a diamond. I am done being the mother of your dead children, I want to fill my own backyard with bursting baby giggles. I am done waiting for you to wake up and take me home when I can walk right over to your mother and be like,'Hey mom I'm the one'. 

 

I am done being the only one at the party being introduced as 'friend’. I am tired of being just another mediocre story not having made the MRS. Cut while playing the relationship card. I am dying for my fairy tale, of princess dresses and toasting champagne. You will marry me for I cannot do this anymore. Honestly at this point in my life, I do not mind wether it will be a diamond, copper or plain steel ring, just pop the damn question! Who wants to be old and grey all alone? Lurking in the realms of sad excuses of men who are not strong enough to claim commitment.

 

 On behalf of approximately the better percentage of women out there playing wife for men who do not even know their second name; wake up and smell the coffee. Dear men, we did not come into this world to play hearts and darts with you. From the word go, if you are not interested in seeing us as the mother of your children and future Mrs, please keep off.  If you're only here for the better prime, make it clear. I am personally, tired of hearing heartbreaking tales of men who did not have the balls to put a ring on it. I mean, with all the freebies in the world why me?

Just so we're clear, 32 probably is not the right time to start thinking and wandering in what options I had ten years ago. Now that we're here you already know the answer is YES! Dear man, get over your commitment fears and meet me at the altar. Don't worry I already made up my mind on the music, dress and flowers! Of course, I love you too. 

 

The Art of Giving (The Ficha Uchi way...).

Giving...

It's yet another beautiful month and there's nothing more I'd like to appreciate this coming month like the Ficha Uchi Campaign. There's just something about, someone, or people in general who understand and relate to the less fortunate and I believe if this is not the Kenyan style of saying we care, I don''t know which is.

To whom much is given, much more is expected. Growing up, I had to rely on hand-me-downs and well-wishers for at least clothing and food.  The fact that someone out there, one Billian Okoth, decided to take this up as a personal calling and clothe Kenyan children is something to reckon. Restoring dignity is a strong mantra to go by and delightful ladies and gentlemen, Ficha Uchi hasn’t disappointed.

After reading Bill Clinton’s book; Giving and being a beneficiary of such I am believer of giving; for it's an art crafted for the most loving of hearts. While the Kenyan child struggles with an overwhelmingly complicated system and their parents burdened by inflation it is particularly thoughtful for someone to step in and give a helping hand. Partnering with several government and celebrity figures, Ficha Uchi is now one of the most relevant campaigns in Kenya; leading the path in service as well as deeds.

On 23^rd July, at Ndururuno primary school, Nairobi, I personally got to a second straight-up indulgence in their humbling activity. It was a great experience that Ficha Uchi is not just a sensation but a reality check, a family and a loving home for all of those kids who have had their dignity restored. One girl walked up to me in a totally tattered patched up uniform and mumbled her gratefulness. That moved me to tears because, I can relate to the pain and shame of having half your butt out in class and being jeered at for not affording much.

May God bless this people and I urge you all to help these kids get their dreams right. If we can all give them the confidence to head to school and learn I’m sure they won’t disappoint. You can be part of this revolution, you can be the reason why a child out there has a reason to smile again. You can restore dignity by either joining the volunteer train, donating to the course, or even become  sponsor! The Paybill number is 932235; the account number 1234. Remember, no one ever gets poor by giving as it always opens up the doors to receiving, for the heart that gives, gathers. 

Follow Ficha Uchi on the social media pages: @fichauchi and check out the amazing work done on the website; http://fichauchi.org/ 

The world needs angels, to clothe us in confidence and love. This is for the Kenyan child, by Kenyan people. Let’s all join hands, let's clothe these children, give them the confidence and restore their dignity. Hats off Ficha Uchi. 

Open letter to my unborn daughter..

To my unborn daughter.

First, I’d like to say I love you. I know there are times you’ll think I don’t. Days you’ll misunderstand my intention for you and years you’ll slack off and wish I was not your mother. Days you'll smack the door at heights of adolescence and walk out on me in spite. But through all that, I hope not for one day will you doubt my love for you my princess, because being your mother will be and I'm sure, the most amazing thing to ever happen in my life. I hope you will forgive me if I am not the image you see on the T.V but deep down you will always know you are a piece of me walking around the world and wherever you are, my heart will always be your home.

I hope you grow up to be a beautiful woman. Not only for the eminence of your outside but also the perfection of the lady you will be. I hope that you will learn you are worthy. Much more than the pimples on your skin or whatever number it will be on the weighing scale. I want you to know that your body was meant to be just like that and that whether you have voluminous hips or not you have the perfect figure. That your smile can light up the whole world even without you trying. I hope you will fathom your beauty that will not only be comprehensible to you but to the whole world too. My love, I hope you will love you.

Sunshine, I hope you never know the cruelty of men. I hope you never fall in love with someone who you’ll end up wishing you never met. I hope you will learn to discern them. I hope you will never end up cursing at night, wondering where and why you went wrong and blaming God for the heartache. And that when the right one gets into your life, you will accept him as he is and fall in love wildly.

My love, I hope I will raise you to adore your father. To understand love from him so that you can learn to have higher standards of self esteem. That you are a princess and deserve only that. I hope you actually realize life is worth more that you’ll dream higher than me. That you will follow your dreams and not let society put you down for being too black or too you.

Baby girl, I pray that you will learn to accept yourself without having to conform to the worldly limits of validation. I hope you will not yearn for social media's acceptance and that your smile at the mirror is worth more than a thousand likes on a forced angle selfie. I hope that your energy will never run out and that just as I will raise you, you will learn to lead a kingdom.

Sweetheart, years later when I will have you. I hope you will laugh and giggle as you always do. I hope you will be happy. Fall in love and raise again. I hope you will be my daughter.

That you realize dreams are worth chasing and that you are worth every dime.  My heart, I hope you will learn to love you just like I do. 

Being the Proverbs 31 woman...#fiercenation

Virtuous or not? Proverbs 31; ladies the world ain't gonna tell you but I preach it as it is. To all the beautiful queens we are, we've known and we'll raise. To the #fiercenation. 

Nina Simone must be turning in her grave with all these twerking queens and heroines who actually outnumber virtuous women. Well, every female I know at the end of the day wants a ring on the finger but sweetheart how are you goin’ to get that if you acting like you don’t want to be wifed? Everyone’s job is no one’s job, everyone’s woman is nobody’s woman. I know I champion for women and I love women (In all the non-gay ways) but truth be told we cannot go on encouraging our daughters and sisters to depend on seventy year old moustaches in the name of feminine power. 

We are powerful, damn we are, but how the hell will we prove this to the world if we keep party hopping, cocaine snorting, booty competing and bleaching our asses pale? We need to act up ladies, the world is ours and from one queen to another we run this. Queens, never forget that our crowns are worth more than a thousand gems, so please start acting like it. Not peasants and y’all must very well know queens are women of value, responsibility, beauty and as Janice puts it ‘Fierce’.

So to my dear ladies are you the Proverbs 31 woman or nah? Here are the pointers.

·         You have to feel valuable.

As Proverbs 31: 10 says,”…her worth is far above rubies.” The beauty of this is that as a woman you should learn self love and appreciation before expecting the world to love you. Yes, it’s quite difficult I know, but walking around with 10 kgs of makeup and false everything from head to toe does not make up for the emptiness inside. Before you go around expecting a king to bow to you, give him something worth bowing for.

·         Trust is key.

I know this may sound a little old fashioned but if you’re dating a whole football team in the name of being a ‘player’ you might as well call it quits in the ring race. You see men are like babies; they want something they get it or cry all the way till you give them a replacement. Sunshine, learn to earn trust and respect; not only for your beautiful body but for the prize you really are. You are not everybody’s possession. Get one single man to love you and let trust hold you together closer, tighter and much more firmer than fake nails on a model. And love it!

·         Queens must learn Independence.

Not my words but truly my opinion; Prov 31:14 & 15. I know we all think of the man as a provider but essentially this particular verse encourages women to ‘bring food from afar.’ Just so we are clear; no ‘sponsors’, no sleeping around with bosses to get that promotion, no time for gossiping, basically no dilly dallying. As a queen, in the eyes of the very High, you must learn the art of providing. This also includes getting up early. Basically up before him and for him. Brace it, shock on all of the female race. We sure are stronger and capable of much more than we think.

Never let what a man bring to the table be all you have to eat. Go out, sweat it. I know you might actually think that the man in your life got this but he ain’t. Kings are poor rulers without queens while we can move mountains by a single illusion. So darlings: pay the bills once in a while, surprise your man with expensive gifts, clothe him, and ensure that he’s well fed and encouraged day by day. In this cruel world be his peace, be his escape, be his heart and trust me nothing works better than a man knowing his queen got his back.

I know this particular point is hard to comprehend especially when we are used to be on the receiving end but if that’s what a virtuous woman does, I’ll be damned if I don’t.

·         Honorable, wise and kindness are a calling.

Back to my beef with the image we women have allowed ourselves to proclaim. Sweethearts, how do you expect a man to love you if there’s nothing to your personality? I agree getting naked can get you some likes a range rover even but deep inside are you a blossoming flower or some ramp of dirt? If your words can not come out as kind, your actions wise and general outlook kind, sweetheart you’ll be waiting a loooong time for that piece of rock!!

·         There’s this thing called goodness.

As women earning trust goes a long way. If you’ve been cheated on my apologies; been there, done that and I know no feeling is worse. Now imagine doing that to your man. That ain’t good. Part of being the Proverbs 31 woman is telling good from bad, earning honor for your man and keeping it real 100%. Do note it’s your man I’m talking about. If you steal a man and act like you won a lottery; you’re stupid. Just like you stole him, he’ll be stolen again and I mean what kind of idiot would leave his queen for some tramp? So dear queens, embrace goodness in all you do and who knows it might just come back to you!!

Walking gets too boring, when you've learnt how to fly....

How far is too far?

Isn't it wonderful that the modern woman can do about 98% of what our males can do with twice as much zeal and quadrupled efficiency? Well, I could've said 100% but we all know we can neither walk around shirtless neither father our own babies because if we could God knows just how far we would have gone.

Just how far is too far in our revolution of women empowerment? Are we becoming too smart? Too beautiful? Too talented? Too strong? Are we becoming a threat to the very essence of feminism? Is our quest for equality being more of a selfish claim for attention? Is being a queen proving to be a questionable journey that is becoming unfathomable within humankind? Are we just too much? 

Well fellow queens, if anyone (read male counterparts and few jealous female species) tries to make you feel like you are too much of something remember that we are ordained. We were created while they were made, molded into a deep perfect creature that is capable of bringing forth life. There never is a 'too much' for the only limitations present are those we create ourselves. We are AMAZING!! We are so beautiful it makes me want to cry. 

Women are so strong, from the damned cotton fields, to white house. We, especially the black woman, are the very reflection of a fierce God. We have come so far to be intimidated by pathetic strains of inequality. We are the ones who have seen our children enslaved, sold and hurt. Men have abandoned us at our time of need, we have been rejected for not being good enough and have had to work ten times as hard for a quarter the pay. We have had it and it is time, ENOUGH is ENOUGH!! We got this and we run this. 

Embrace art, dance your feet sore, laugh hard, love so intensely, cry if you must and slay 'em goals, but never ever give up your crown ease another's existence. We are superior beings and it doesn't matter what the world thinks of us for we are beautiful phenomenal beings.

"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay." ―Madonna

Salute to all the queens out there slaying! Salute to all you enchanting beings. We all know walking gets too boring when you learn how to fly...flap your wings and soar!

Embracing your 'Vjayjay'!

So, It's been an awesome weekend right?

 For my dear ladies I do hope you had your glam on and had responsible fun. Well, just how much do you know about your downplayed region, the very source of life of which floweth pain and pleasure in relatable measures, the very feminine and softest heaven? Just how well do you know your Vjayjay and how is the health department going down there. Men as much as having random sex sounds exciting do you have any idea what you're getting into? While we ain't supposed to kiss and tell, I will bear it all.

Vaginal Candidasis, Trichomonas vaginalis, Viral vaginitis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia...
Do these words ring a bell? When was the last time you did a Vaginal swab check up or visited a gyna? I know it' no one's cup of tea and with all the quacks around how the hell are we supposed to do this? Well ladies.....and gentlemen it is of vital importance to understand and fully adhere to vaginal health.
If you really understood what goes where you might just think twice about picking up the random beauty at the bar. Ladies it's nothing to be ashamed of we've got the goods, we might just as well enjoy every bit of it. I'll cover two that we suffer from but sometimes have no idea what's going on.



A rash is not just a rash..and never ignore one. Vaginal Candidasis has many manifestations and although  it is of no alarm to the opposite sex, intimacy may be a little uncomfortable. It comes about due to imbalance of flora down there. The main culprit being antibiotics. Sweethearts here comes the importance of avoiding drug abuse and such as it is to some extent an ugly experience.

As for Trichomonas or trich, cardinal rule don't break your virginity till marriage but well I guess the majority are past that. Lucky men do not have any relatable symptoms but for us ladies there's itchiness, swelling, weird discharge and burning sensation when peeing. And that's what you get for going humpy without a condom.

Basically, any rash, irritation, smell, funny vaginal discharge and mostly pain during peeing should be a considered gyna visit. Any Male components with special markings except the rite one are not welcome to visit downtown.

So ladies, remember half the times when we go commando we suffer, its either a baby, or HIV, or trich, or some other STI the list is endless. Moral of the story; always have your jacket on, it might be cold outside.